Settler Colonies

Throwback to what is probably the first recreational essay I wrote- found this saved as a note on my phone from spring 2014.

Since the Dawn of Man, it has been the unyielding mission of great nations to subjugate their weaker neighbours. Empires from Akkad to Persia to Rome to the Mongols have conquered vast empires, but colonialism in the modern sense began in 1492 when a captain named Christopher Columbus claimed a newly-discovered island on the edge of the world for the king of Spain. This touched off several centuries of Europeans perpetually pushing back the frontiers of darkness to further the immortal cause of civilization, modernity, and Christ, or, more cynically, strategic interest, economic gain, and national glory. Imperialism brought unprecedented prosperity, dominance, and glory to Europe, propelling the West to indisputable mastery over the entire world. For the natives of the new lands, however, this rarely ended so happily.

Regions of the non-European world can be broadly divided into three categories. The peoples of Africa, South Asia, and the Far East were hardy enough not to die out and have their societies completely disintegrate in the face of European guns, germs, steel. Naturally they already had tolerance to Old World diseases, and from the durable ancient civilizations of Indochina to Africa’s impenetrable heart of darkness, native peoples and cultures typically survived more or less intact. Colonies like German Tanganyika, British India, and French Indochina were founded during the New Imperialism period of the nineteenth century, when colonies were founded mostly for prestige and economic interests. European presence in their colonies in these regions was mainly administrative and commercial, with few attempts at large-scale settlement. The natives were not so easily swept aside as they had been in America, and the strange jungles of the exotic East were not exactly inviting to European settlers anyway.

The most lucrative early colonies, those of the Caribbean, the New Granada region of South America above the Amazon, and Brazil, were sparsely populated at the time of European arrival and were rapidly depopulated by violence and disease. The unfortunate children of the land were replaced by Europeans seeking fortune and, to a greater extent, the African slaves they used to procure it. White criollos still dominate, but the demographics of nations like Cuba, Colombia, and Brazil reflect the migrations and subsequent racial mixing of their pasts.

Those regions of the New World which had been home to serious civilizations, though ravaged by European diseases, had supported dense enough Pre-Columbian populations that some of their peoples survived and intermixed with the conquerors. The Maya, Aztecs and Incas proved themselves hardy enough to resist the total annihilation that befell other races. The same proved true of southern Africans, who, with their resistance to Old World diseases, weathered the demographic onslaught of Afrikaners and Europeans moving in from the Cape. Thus much of the modern populations of Peru, Mexico, Central America and South Africa are at least partially descended from those regions’ original inhabitants.

That leaves the settler colonies: areas in higher latitudes whose sparse natives were easily wiped out, but felt just like home for the Europeans who moved there. From the Mediterranean climates of Australia and California to the Alaska’s frozen wastes, Europeans built new lives not unlike their old ones thousands of miles from their mother countries. The countryside of New England would look familiar to any Briton, and one could be forgiven for mistaking Montreal and Buenos Aires for cities founded as Roman colonies. Those temperate regions perfectly suited to European settlement are as follows:

Eastern North America (from the Atlantic Seaboard to the Rockies)

Quebec (North of the Great Lakes and St Lawrence River)

California (the Rockies and Pacific Coast)

Alaska

La Plata (from the Basin south to the Tierra del Fuego)

Southern Andes

New South Wales (east of the Outback and Tasmania)

Western Australia (west coast)

New Zealand

South Africa

Obviously some of these regions are more desirable than others, but all have the climates and native populations (or lack thereof) to serve as ideal homes for Europeans seeking refuge from various calamities or simply better lives on new continents. However, despite the fact that there is no shortage of European peoples worthy and interested in overseas expansion, a disproportionate majority of these lands ultimately ended up British. This is not to say, of course, that English-speaking Australians and Americans and Canadians have not done admirably for themselves in their distant new homes. What were once desolate frontier colonies on the edges of the world now rank among its greatest nations.

But consider, for the purposes of this project, if there were a bit more diversity among the white Christians settling new lands. Not all European nations have dedicated themselves to the imperial project, but the following have proven themselves interested and able (to varying degrees, of course) of bringing forth from darkness the savage territories across the seas.

British (including Irish)

French

Germans (assuming an earlier unification)

Dutch

Scandinavians (especially Swedes)

Russians

The Spanish and Portuguese shall be left their lot in tropical Latin America. After all, ruthless and shortsighted exploitation of natural resources is something of an Iberian specialty, and their talents are wasted on territories where they cannot grow sugar or mine gold. Not to say, of course, that other empires would not have been ecstatic to trade their temperate dominions for prime real estate in the Caribbean or Brazil. Even during the Seven Years War, William Pitt was prepared to sacrifice the Thirteen Colonies for a few choice sugar islands, and there were probably those in Parliament who would have traded Wales for Cuba. Nor is it to say that the administrators of Barbadoes or Saint-Domingue were particularly benevolent or development-minded. It just seems that the Spaniards and Portuguese, on a rush from New World sugar and blinded by shining Potosi silver, are the ones most willing and able to seize the lands, breed with the natives, and import the slaves to create the new races of Latin America.

To their close relatives the Italians, those hapless descendants of the world’s greatest imperialists, I leave some land so apparently desirable that it was the only colony ever to be fully integrated into its parent country. What was once the breadbasket of the Roman Empire should be an ideal settler colony, but given the ultimate failure of a very determined long-term effort by a far more able imperial nation it is hard to imagine that Italy could ever reclaim North Africa for the Latin race. Besides, given the steep gradient in general competence as one moves south from the Alps and especially below Latium, I shudder to imagine what would become of Italians on the sun-scorched southern shore of what was once their sea. Despite all this, I wish them the best of luck in zealously failing to reconquer the territory their ancestors once won from Carthage.

Likewise (to the former examples), the Japanese have proven themselves able imperialists, but by the time they got in the conquering spirit all of the world’s virgin lands were taken. The Chinese and Koreans are also worthy civilized races, but apart from a brief episode in the early 15th century the Sons of Heaven have not troubled themselves to put in the exploration and conquest necessary to actually satisfy their megalomaniacal ambitions of ruling all under Heaven. Thus, to the extent that any land was left by the time time the East Asians decided the barbarian lands across the seas were even worth ruling, it should be allocated to Empire of the Rising Sun.

Given that, in terms of abundance and resilience, the peoples they ruled over made the Mexica look like Australian Aborigines, they did very thorough and determined work throughout the Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Obviously they are still welcome to dominions of the first category listed in this project, but no matter how badly they want (and to what horrific extents they are willing to go to make) Manchukuo a “Japanese Australia” it would take even more genocide than they pulled off in the fleeting decades that they ruled it to make it happen. It is not hard to imagine the Children of the Sun prospering on the Pacific shores of America and Australia (Gold Mountain and Nanshu), but given their late start they will have to settle for settling the islands of the Great Eastern Sea. There are mercifully few natives to terrorize, and a seafaring people should feel right at home on their small specks of green on a vast blue sea.

With those nations whose seagoing ships arrived too early or too late to the forested shores of the New World out of the way, let us consider those premier colonial nations whose peoples are to settle them. For this project, let us consider how the settler territories of the world might have been partitioned in a more equitable world. Some sort of accord, like a 17th century Berlin Conference, (assuming then-unexplored Australia was already on the cutting board) might have partitioned future homes for Europe’s emigrant progeny more evenly.

Eastern North America: British

It would be hard to deny what is arguably the most desirable territory to the world’s finest colonisers. New England would be wasted on anyone but its eponymous mother country, and no other people could be relied on to found the most powerful empire in history.

Quebec: Scandinavian

Settlers accustomed to the long subarctic nights of Sweden will feel at home during harsh Canadian winters. The North Sea coast of Norway makes the banks of the St Lawrence look tame.

California: British

Neither the Spaniards nor their Mexican progeny were interested in doing much of anything with Alta California. Nothing can stand in the way of Manifest Destiny.

Alaska: Russian

Vast, brutally freezing, and full of natural resources, Alaska is more Russian than anywhere else. Nothing gets desolate landscapes settled better than coerced immigration and penal colonies.

La Plata: French

With a nice Mediterranean climate in the heartland, chilly southern winters, and high mountains in the distance, southern South America is a worthy destination for les fils de France. The Argentine vintage might even hold up to the standards of the mother country.

Southern Andes: German

Who better to tame the high Andes than rugged Germans? There’s cold weather to brave, and the isolation of alpine valleys can keep apart the Protestants and Catholics.

New South Wales: British

Britain’s finest deported convicts-turned-affluent crocodile hunters have done a real nice job civilizing the world’s newest continent. They can have the Outback too.

Western Australia: French

Always a short step behind les rosbifs in intrepid navigation, the French can still claim the pleasant strip of land clinging to Australia’s Indian Ocean coast. Settlers from the Midi will be reminded of home under the mild southern sun, well out of the icy reach of Antarctica.

New Zealand: Dutch

Adventurous settlers from the islands’ namesake province will enjoy ruggedly beautiful terrain and proximity to the sea. The vast ocean creates a water barrier without the need for elaborate hydraulic engineering schemes, and would-be Afrikaners would be relieved at only having to deal with the Maori.

South Africa: German

It took some precocious navigational prowess to reach the Cape, but colonising the interior of southern Africa takes the tenacity of Europe’s largest and most indomitably powerful nation. More than any other Europeans, Germans are up to the task.